I think I’ve known I needed help for a while but there was always something else that needed doing instead of me asking for it, or following up when it was offered.
This morning I had my first session with a new counsellor and the overwhelming feeling I got was how hard I am on myself, how I don’t give myself enough time to rest or to think about my emotions. I just buckle down and try get on with life as much as I can. But I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, my jaw hurts from holding all my emotions in. I’m living with ovarian cancer and with all my other health problems I don’t let myself think about it too much, I just want to keep things normal for the kids. But my normal is different now. My new normal is cancer, an ileostomy that causes me problems nearly every day, the menopause, a compromised immune system, a really active toddler and a 6 year old that’s also finding life tough.
Maybe I need to write lists more to clear my head out a bit and then then I’d have something at the end of every day to see what I have achieved. I spoke to my brother this morning and he suggested writing a journal, I impulsively signed up to this blog thinking initially I’ll just keep it for myself but eventually it might help someone else if they’re going through something similar. Although right now I can’t imagine anyone is going through the exact same as me, it feels quite lonely thinking there might not be anyone who knows what I’m going through from personal experience. I don’t even know what group to align myself with, cancer? Stoma? Menopause? I just know I’m exhausted from having constant mental battles in my own head.
Living with ovarian cancer and an ileostomy 